While in Florida, you may need a DIVORCE!

Today we stopped by our local grocery store(Publix).


Walking out, we saw a stand with free magazine/newspaper items.

DIVORCE

Yes, it happens in Florida also.

So, you've been served with some divorce papers? You probably deserved it.


Now I know, you're thinking, "what the hell do I do now??!??"

First off, don't PANIC, or spend lots of money. It's only the first day, but you'll be suffocated by the amount of stress you're about to have. But don't panic.






Will you need a divorce attorney? 
-Yes, within 20 days, not 21, unless you're lucky.  But don't count on it, since lucky people live happy marriages for the rest of their lives.  Unlike you.
What? You're forgetful and went over 20 days?? No wonder why your spouse left you.






Now, it's the second day.  You thought the first day was overwhelming? WELL OH MAN, you have no idea what this second day has in store for you.


Miss work. Period.  Just don't go in.  Oh, you'll be fired? Oh well, it's not like your life is going well anyway.  Decide if you want an attorney(remember 20 DAYS).  Review the shit you shared with your spouse.  So you can claim it, and what not.  Cancel all credit cards shared with them, because remember, they left you, they deserve nothing.


Don't spend money.  Unless it's on a gym membership, because that person probably left you for that reason.  Marriage is NO excuse to let your body go. 


This magazine says to "build a financial war chest", so put away a bunch of stuff and money like you're going to war, or something...  Collect all records of paperwork.  Call the IRS, and ask for your tax transcripts.




The third day has now arrived.  
Continue thinking about your marriage and how it failed.
Attend a seminar, you'll meet some other person just as lonely as you.  But if you two get married, it won't last. Obviously.


Only the vast majority of people survive divorce.
The magazine said so.  I'm guessing a lot of people die. So be on the watch for deadly things.  And possibly prepare your suicide note.  We understand why you would want to end it all.








EVERYDAY AFTER
You won't ever forget what happened.
This magazine talks about how you'll be over it in a few months.
LOL, yeah right.  














What to know more about divorce?
Just visit your local Publix and pick up a copy of Florida Divorce & Custody Guide






Don't have a Publix near by?


Sounds like someone needs to come to Florida ;)